Play Date Moms Lahore.... yes?? no??

child led play -early morning bonfire with parlor parlor 

This is in response to my best friend’s post on her page in which she tagged me. it was about a group on Facebook“ play date moms Lahore” and my friend asked me to comment as she had some idea as to what I think of play dates in general . As we all usually do I started typing my immediate response in the comment section, editing it a couple of times coz I didn’t want to be harsh or personal to anyone. And in a minute or two I was done with the replay here it is

 “for these bachas I am happy at least they get to meet each other , its better than kitty parties anyway  where waili ladies meet strangers in search of future rishtas for their kids  ( as one such lady explained to me recently –uff her explanation!!! )  -- While they leave the bachas with maids and male servants---( to do with them as they please )

and pressed enter but Baaanggg!!! My Internet was not working anymore so I had to retry and it was still stuck so as annoyed as I was I just turned the flap down .

But the comment and the post were still there hanging in my head I wasn’t really satisfied with my answer. It is one topic I can go on and on about coz things are not as simple or as straight forward as they may seem on FB. A coin may have two sides our parenting issues have a million. I thought about kids my children age and the routines they usually have and I thought about their mothers, I thought about our changing society and its complications, the education systems and the limited opportunities our kids get in terms of structured as well as unstructured play time.

And by the time I also thought that may be me and some of my friends are being judgmental here. I am not so happy about the Idea of play dates in the first place because the Initial encounter with some Pakistani play date moms was of a bunch of affluent  ladies  who took a foreign Idea and to make it exotic, giving it local themes like “ guddi guddai ki shadi” “ paindo” “pranda party” And such. Now if someone selected these as their kids birthday themes instead of Rapunzel and Frozen ( cause they wanted kids to have a flavor of their culture) I would never have questioned BUT play dates?? Well why not if they get to learn how to make parands  and made some…. but  seriously is it a play date where moms or one hosting mom decides the theme gets the arrangements done by designers with a proper ( read expensive) mehndi decor, professional singers/entertainers, Party Favours, dance floor, HSY and Maria B joras  especially bought for the occasion, in short an occasion worth being photograph by Irfan Ahson himself…. My point is that what do kids have to do in all this? And what will they get out of it? Not to mention the pressure it puts on other moms to beat the previous one in terms of extravagance

I for one always thought that play date is simply an opportunity for kids to get together whether the rest of the activities are planned or not. It is something that is primarily for the kids and not for moms to be used as an opportunity to be the talk of the town.

 When I say that “please I am not interested in a play date”  it’s because…

1.       First and most important is the one I mentioned above it’s a big NO NO for me

2.       If not the above then It seems I am usually the one who is “supposed” to host with almost no help from other moms coz apparently I enjoy the life and kids more and they are all so tiered with God knows what pressures and need a break.

3.       It’s very easy to explain the idea of a play date but it’s tough to get the message through. The host is supposed to entertain the adults more than kids (dads also needs break and would love biryani and korma… app kai hath ka :P) if not then majority won’t show up/ send their kids

4.       It only give kids limited opportunity in terms of socializing like we are in a way dictating as to whom they can play and whom they cannot… like if the “guests” have a  chota lerka/larki as “help” they are supposed to sit in the corner and I will give him food their not with the rest of kids and won’t include him in the activities oh! The benefits of play date are just for kids of certain classes not servants…. Or poor neighbors you see.

Now being that said let me come back to the original issue “what do I have to say about the play dates mom Lahore”

1.       Nothing negative as I yet do not know who they are and what is their take on a play date

2.       I would love to join and know

3.       I assume they know what a play date is ( like not an entertainment session for biryani devouring daddies)

4.       I actually admire them, even if they are the designer type( they might have taken it to a whole different -for me wrong- level) at least they or many of them I assume are conscious moms who want to actively contribute to their children’s lives , who know that their kids are missing on actual play due to limited outdoor activities or too much of electronic gadgets in their lives

5.       If many of us ( moms and dads  who think like me – I am sure there are plenty out there) join the circles then may be just maybe we could restore the sanity to it

So what do you say my friends don’t give in too early or too easily these kids – all of them , not just our own- are going to make our society/ nation tomorrow. Don’t just sit there in the couch and sulk get up take charge and contribute J

Damage Control

 Have you ever impulsively bribed your kids ? well I did recently and then realized in a micro second  (s*** )what I have done !!!
 I wanted M now in grade 2 to revise her spelling lists for an upcoming championship and she was kind of dragging it and ....well to cut the long story short in a desperate moment to motivate her I told her that "she gonna get the book she so wanted to get if she won the championship " oopsssssssss . You see there are so many no nos in this one sentence
1.putting more emphasis on winning than on effort
2.If u do this I'll give you that ...Its a BRIBE not a motivation
3.It implies she has to do it for all the wrong reasons to please ME/ her mom not herself , for winning  not learning etc etc
4.And what if she does not win (  the other kids are smart and hard working too) would I really really want her not to have a book she so wants to have ?? - Like seriously)
5. and what if she does not win and I still get her that book? wont I loose her trust the next time , you know ... mama never follows through so I don't need to take her seriously???
hmmm a lot of damage in one sentence
6. ( Not to mention ) teaching her to bribe others to get things done her way.

Now if you have a young kid at home you'd know they never forget such things, and as the saying goes, you cant bring back a spent arrow and a spoken word this poor mama had to do a lot of thinking if the damage has to be controlled..... and after spending almost half a night thinking and contemplating my options ( OH how I wish I could just tell her to forget what I just said !! ) I came to the conclusion that at this point the best remedy is to simply correct my mistake , apologies tell her that I was going to get her the book anyway, and she should just do her work any way .Simple and I was good to go to bed!

By home time the next day I was again not so easy with my decision -- its not easy to let go of your mama-pride -- and what if all that above stuff is just kitabi batai as many of my friends comment on my parenting ideas...
It only occurred to me the next day while driving them to the book shop (it was a surprise) that this is an opportunity to turn a bribe back into motivation. I asked her if she knew why I brought them here and as nice this 7 year old is , she replied " I know you want to get a book for yourself but may I just look at the books in kids section ) yup kids, smart as they are , they know how to melt mommy's heart. Well lets cut the drama and come to point. I told her; no we are here so that she can get her book BECAUSE she had been working hard all those past weeks and mama just got upset that she was loosing interest now that its almost done, and I am sorry for being ghussa and guess she deserved a treat and a break may be.....  and" " yippie you are the best mom, I wont even read it before I am done with my work"   the rest I guess anyone can imagine :D

 

Result update : Well we are all done with our lists twice ( with 300 English and 200 Urdu words ) and there are still 3 days to the championships 

Lunch Notes-- some new supplies

Some new supplies for lunch notes!!
I love sending small notes with M's lunch each day and she loves receiving them. I started this small routine when she was in pre-nursery when her teacher ( I am so grateful to her for this ) used to read these to her and then in nursery when she just started reading sight words and 3 letter words to encourage her to read. Those were small notes from home that kept us connected ( have you ever read the kissing hand?) and also that was a way to tell her that reading is not just for school and academic success .... I wanted to instill in her the love of reading in general. So in the beginning it was just a "love you" and "be happy" But by the time she moved to KG I really had to think up the "thinks" that I wanted to wright and she was well into the reading habit. It was difficult to come up with something interesting each morning with all the rush to reach school and offices in time ( i usually wrote them on the way to school) and By the final term of KG ( that's last year) the notes become almost extinct as more than often I had to write them after dropping her ( now my turn to drive) then the aya baji had to run after her to put it in her bag. so eventually they stopped.
To my surprise with the beginning of class 1 Miral asked me to start sending her notes back and said she missed them last year and want 1 every day :D
Now its been almost a month since school started and she gets I every day but this time I promised myself not to repeat the same mistake again. I prepared the whole bunch just before the school started ( they were almost 50) I even managed to put some decorations. Yup really had to foresee what I wanted to talk about!
And now before I run out of them again I got these lovely supplies, I loved my new craft punches and cartoon tape-- cant wait to start making some more note cards!!!

Exploring 7 habits of happy kids

Ever since I saw 7 habits of happy kids by Sean Covey at readings I fell in love with it esp the habit no. 5 "Seek first to understand and then to be understood". Isn't this the one we lack in general in our society? And then there is this habit no. 4 "Think win win"
I was dying to buy and introduce it to my big girl, but I believe timing plays a very crucial part while introducing something new to a child. Child's readiness to interact and enjoy is as important as anything else that helps absorb a new idea. So I waited and waited for the right time and then BANG! all of a sudden it was out of stock!!

So after a wait of another 2 months or so I found it again  {and this time I couldn't miss it- even though at the time I had no money on me, so I requested them to save me a copy for a day or two -- and they did :) } and then again waited for the right time..... and missed it TADAAaaaa .This time lost the book in home shifting... LOLs, but all for good ! By this time M was dying to have it and read it, yup I showed her the book first time arround and told her she's gonna get it sometime this summer :)
So I had to search the house like mad and finally retrieved it from under a huge pile of books and papers on the CPU slot of this very computer table that I sit every day

nothing & yet every thing to do with "the habits" I guess lols

Now that we got it alright I new we had to do something because my book worm simply eats, drinks, sleeps books if you let her be. But with 7 habits I really really wanted her to eat{read} slowly, digest and absorb.
So what are the seven habits any way?
The 7 Habits of Happy Kids are:

1. Be proactive
2. Begin with the end in mind
3. Put first things first
4. Think win-win
5. Seek first to understand, then to be understood
6. Synergize
7. Sharpen the saw

The best thing is that the book narrates seven stories of seven friends each using -- or not using-- a habit! one at a time. The writer has also provided insight for parents/teachers and baby steps for kids to follow.
Meet The friends to get basic idea  of the habits is

	Habit 1 — Be Proactive You're in Charge I am a responsible person. I take initiative. I choose my actions, attitudes, and moods. I do not blame others for my wrong actions. I do the right thing without being asked, even when no one is looking.
	Habit 2 — Begin with the End in Mind Have a Plan I plan ahead and set goals. I do things that have meaning and make a difference. I am an important part of my classroom and contribute to my school’s mission and vision. I look for ways to be a good citizen.
	Habit 3 — Put First Things First Work First, Then Play I spend my time on things that are most important. This means I say no to things I know I should not do. I set priorities, make a schedule, and follow my plan. I am disciplined and organized.
	Habit 4 — Think Win-Win Everyone Can Win I balance courage for getting what I want with consideration for what others want. I make deposits in others’ Emotional Bank Accounts. When conflicts arise, I look for third alternatives.

	Habit 5 — Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood Listen Before You Talk I listen to other people’s ideas and feelings. I try to see things from their viewpoints. I listen to others without interrupting. I am confident in voicing my ideas. I look people in the eyes when talking.
	Habit 6 — Synergize Together Is Better I value other people’s strengths and learn from them. I get along well with others, even people who are different than me. I work well in groups. I seek out other people’s ideas to solve problems because I know that by teaming with others we can create better solutions than anyone of us can alone. I am humble.
	Habit 7 — Sharpen The Saw Balance Feels Best I take care of my body by eating right, exercising and getting sleep. I spend time with family and friends. I learn in lots of ways and lots of places, not just at school. I find meaningful ways to help others.

I found Ah- Ma-zinG!!! teacher bloggers working wonders  in their class rooms, but with 'the habits' my first stroke of luck was 3rd grade thoughts  she made these cool posters based on habits to decorate her class.And then I got this parents guide from the leader in me along with  a few other resource samples { BTW the samples are enough to get you going}
Well I thought making the posters for M's new room would be a starting point for us and will keep the stories coming along with discussion about many new words that we are learning on the way
Here is what we made for the first habit

Then we read about Inventors the most Prominent Proactors, with our special focus on women inventors, including;

• Mary Anderson (Inventor of Windshield Wipers)
•  Marion Donovan (Inventor of Disposable Diapers)
•  Bette Nesmith Graham (Liquid Paper Inventor)

That made our minds working :) HaHa and when we didnt find glue to do our next activity we made our own!! How PROACTIVE ...Hehehe

With this special glue we worked on the first habit from this story sorting activity from lovely little leaders . Needless to say my bookworm loved it thoroughly. This even gave us opportunity to talk about copyrights and M wanted to ad a link to lovely little leaders to her poster too bad it got hidden under our other lable :(

 Even the lil one joined in, in her own way of course ;)

 Further we are planning to design our own book marks now that M is quiet good with her computer skills I think we can manage it on word pad or paint may be. will update the post once we are done :)

* For a complete free parents guide click here

* to virtually visit a school using 'leader in me' program please click here
* school site
*'Teachers pay Teachers' is another cool site that I found just in case you missed it in above links ;)

Responsibility Shift

Another one of our late updates; we started this month with a fun visit to our favorite bookstore in Lahore "Readings" that deals with new as well as used books. On the first of July, late night we finally decided to take kids and ourselves on an outing without a hope to find any place worth going open and waohoo hoo what we found out !! our favorite store have pushed the closing time 2 more hours and now they are open till midnight :D
Now there is a twist to this happy story. For our growing up miss M going to her favorite book store is a task these days as she is given a limited allowance instead of the old choose and buy as much as you like routine. In that situation the final authority and decision maker was mom or Dad and all she has to do was to load her trolly with millions of books9 half of which she will read in the store). The aim was the gradual shift of Responsibility. But being responsible is a multidimensional task in my opinion one has to learn and master quite a few other basic skills first.
To select and compare, to apply some arithmetical skills, how to manage with in her limits, letting go whats beyond her reach, and most important of all, to trust her own choices.
When the idea was first introduced a few visits back, unexpectedly she started crying and complaining. She didn't  want this change. Her argument was that she wont get enough (in fact any) books when I offered her Rs.200 as her first allowance. Actually her reluctance was coming from the fear of unknown, she didn't know a thing about prices! (other than where to find the tags).The catch was that I will not interfere in any way and she can BUY which ever book she wants the only thing was that it shout not cost more than the given limit.
 We did fine on the first shopping expedition brought two books after much evaluation, discussions and promises for the future 
Now after 2 visits it is clear that it was too big a sum for her and the only books she was picking up books from the first Rack, all new, with fancy sticker, princesses/famous cartoon books that were worth 200 or above each without even being bothered to explore the store.while there are hundreds of other amazing books most of them priced less then Rs. 50/- used of-course but in good condition!. So I gradually reduced the allowance and now she is supposed to spend max Rs.60/- per visit and what fine books she hunts now despite the strong air conditioning in the "used" section!!!
 Some of M's recent finds are

Moral: Necessity is the mother of all inventions...including behavior and choices ---lols

Potty Training Day one

wohoo finally we ventured into the potty training phase.
M is 27 months old and every now and then I find my self wondering if the delay is on my part or hers. Every day I promised my self that this is her last day in diapers and every day I came up with a new excuse I couldn't get myself to take her diapers off for good.So today was the BIG DAY..... 9 accidents and no luck in 10 hours but my hopes are really very high coz after her third or may be forth accident she tried to tell me "mommy washroom mommy washroom" I missed her clue coz and I thought she was looking for me n thinking that I was in washroom :)

Are We Going To The Other Extreem???

After reading a first few pages on amazon I am dying to get my hands on this book. Here are some aspects of gender this book talks about

The brain develops differently. In girls, the language areas of the brain develop before the areas used for spatial relations and for geometry. In boys, it's the other way around. A curriculum which ignores those differences will produce boys who can't write and girls who think they're "dumb at math."

The brain is wired differently. In teenage girls, emotion is processed in the same area of the brain that processes language. So, it's not too difficult for most teenage girls to talk about their emotions. In boys, the brain regions involved in talking are separate from the regions involved in feeling. The hardest question for many boys to answer is: "Tell me how you feel."

Girls hear better. The typical teenage girl has a sense of hearing which is significantly better than a teenage boy. That's why daughters so often complain that their fathers are shouting at them. Dad doesn't think he's shouting, but Dad doesn't hear his voice the way his daughter does.

here are some of the reviews:

....we may have gone to the other extreme and tried too hard to feminize boys and masculinize girls. Sax makes a compelling argument for parents and teachers to tread lightly when it comes to gender and raises important questions regarding single-sex education,...."

"Although Sax repeatedly makes clear these differences do not limit what either sex can achieve, he does contend they play a valuable role in determining the most effective methods for teaching, disciplining and understanding children and young adults."

......Hmmmm now how to get this book???

Temperamental Differences

Today I want to share few very interesting articles regarding behavioral development and its effects. I believe that Parents feel more effective as they more fully understand and appreciate their child's unique personality because it appears that "When parents understand how their child responds to certain situations, they an learn to anticipate issues that might present difficulties for their child. They can prepare the child for the situation or in other cases they may avoid a potentially difficult situation all together".I accidentally came across this article "Different Strokes for Different Folks" while searching for toddler development (though this article is originally posted in tween and teens label and as a mom of a 19 months old I hardly go to areas labeled with age groups above preschoolers.)

And this was so fascinating that i actually ended up searching for the "9 temperamental traits"

and then their are other titles like coping with your child's personality in the same page that are really helpful!

happy parenting!!